Texas Bandmasters Association
Bandmasters Review • September 2014
29
John Gottman, who wrote
Why
Marriages Succeed or Fail
shares that
most couples really want just two
things in their relationship—love
and respect. If you’re going to make
a significant commitment to make
any relationship work, it’s ultimately
going to take some work. Our
human need for significance largely
depends on three conditions:
1. To be listened to.
2. To be taken seriously with respect
to feelings, thoughts and ideas.
3. To be genuinely needed as a
contributor.
BTW, these three conditions
are true for
any
relationship
regardless of how many plates you
are spinning. Interestingly, when
these three conditions are not
met, individuals in a relationship
don’t believe, think, feel, or see
themselves as significant to the
other person—no matter how
many times you
tell
them they are.
Since “actions speak louder than
words” make sure you’ve got your
fives: 5 to 1, 5 people, 5 things,
and put your calendar where
your mouth is! Making sure the
most important people in your
life believe, think, feel, and see
themselves as significant to YOU!
References:
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail:
And How You Can Make Yours Last
by John Gottman
ISBN 9780684802411
Quality of Life Issues for the
Modern Band Director
with Scott Rush and Jeremy Lane
http://www.ncbandmasters.org/images/
QOL_Clinic_Handout_NCMEA.pdf
Making a Difference with Your Dash
by Ray Cramer
Teaching Music through Performance
in Band: Volume 4, Chapter 2
ISBN 9781579992026
Marriage, a History:
From Obedience to Intimacy or
How Love Conquered Marriage
by Stephanie Coontz
ISBN 9780143036678
7 Strategies for Developing Capable*
Students (for Parents and Teachers)
*Responsible, Respectful, and Resourceful
by H. Stephen Glenn and
Michael L. Brock
ISBN 9780761513568
Fran Kick presented at the 2014 Texas Bandmasters Association Convention/Clinic for the TBA Student
Day, the TBA Spouses Luncheon and a TBA director’s clinic. Utilizing some active research, during the
Spouses Luncheon Fran asked spouses to write down the one question that they would love to ask their
band-director spouse, but never would because it might seriously impact their relationship. Spouses
then prioritized the questions and Fran used those very questions during his director’s clinic the next
morning. If you would like to see a copy of those questions, just email
frankick@kickitin.com
and
put “TBA Spouse Questions” in the subject line. Don’t worry, no names were associated with and of the
questions. You can fnd more information about Fran Kick at
http://www.kickitin.com.
Balancing Your Band and Your Li fe
Now, if you are married
and/or have a family with
children, here are some
other ideas from a few of
your professional band-
director colleagues and
their spouses:
http://youtu.
be/uzR4v8q3fyI
or scan the
QR code below to watch
on your phone right now.