Texas Bandmasters Association
Bandmasters Review • September 2014
28
In other words, you must have
at least five times as many positive
moments vs. negative moments if
that relationship is to be stable.
Please note:
that doesn’t mean
you can just repeat “I love you!
I love you!! I love you!!! I love
you!!!! I love you!!!!!!” for each
time something negative happens
in that relationship. Sorry. Actions
do speak louder than words. When
you only use words to express
your care or concern for others,
you’ll miss out on maintaining the
magic balance needed between
5 to 1.
5 People.
Both kids and adults
need at least five people (beyond
their parents) that they can count
on to be their mentors, guides,
friends, confidants or advisors.
Can you list your five right now?
These are the people you could
call, email, meet with, and relate
to in a constructively positive way
whenever you need some “outside
perspective.”
5 Things.
Relationships that
are close (as in family, friends,
significant others, spouses, and
children) depend on you knowing
each other well and what is
currently important and/or at
issue in each other’s lives. Clinical
counselors use this “list of five”
many times to see how in-tune two
people are with each other. Here’s
how it works; each person in a
relationship writes down two lists:
• Five most-important things
currently going on in
your life
.
• Five most-important things you
know are currently
going on in the
other person’s life
.
Now compare
your lists with that
other person. You
might be surprised
how many things
“they get for you”
and “you get for
them.” If not, it’s a
great conversation starter to catch
up on what is currently most
important and/or at issue in your
lives.
Chr i stmas i s the same
date every year.
The calendar
controls more of our life than
many of us would care to admit.
If you believe family is important,
or a relationship is important, or a
friendship is important; does your
calendar reflect that? Sure you
work for a school that requires you
to be at certain places on certain
dates. Yet are there other dates on
your calendar you hold dear, or
are important, or even sacred? Are
they marked on your calendar big
and bold!
Full disclosure:
I actually missed
our first three anniversaries as a
young married band director who
was also involved with the Music
for All (then Bands of America)
Summer Symposium. In my de-
fense, we
both
decided to “celebrate
our anniversary” on
a previous weekend
each year. We even
changed the dates
on our calendars to
make it a big deal
and something we’d
never forget. Now 25
years later, we still
look back fondly
on those early pre-
anniversary celebrations!
The point is:
make the calendar
work for you vs. you always
working for the calendar. Prioritize
what’s really important in your life
and share those dates/times with
others in your life who are really
important to you!
Certainly the annual Texas
Bandmasters Association Conven-
tion/Clinic could be on your
calendar as well as your spouse’s
calendar. What a great way to
actually share your band-director
world with them and enable them
to interact with other spouses—
both male as well as female BTW.
The mentoring and support
—professionally and personally—
could help both of you when it
comes to better understanding
each other.
In other words,
you must have at
least f ive t imes
as many posi t ive
moments vs.
negat ive moments
i f that relat ionship
is to be stable.
Balancing Your Band and Your Li fe